How To Long For Séx Again

• Always too tired or never in the mood? We've got 20 just-for-women tips to cure your lagging séx life.Isn't it a little unfair that guys, who already have that no-restroom-necessary advantage, can often just take a pill when their love life is flagging? Even though drug makers are hotly searching for female versions of Víagra, Cialis, and Levitra, it's pretty clear that there won't be a magic bullet for women. Along with our need for indoor plumbing, our séx drive and satisfaction are different from a guy's. For one thing, ours hinges on the health of our primary érogenous zone: the brain.

  Sometimes the thrill is gone because séx drive, aka libído, can't peacefully coexist with stress, anger, or marital discord. Or we miss out on the fun of séx because we have unrealistic expectations. (Big reasons: We don't know as much about our séxuality as we think we do, or we've read one too many bodice rippers.) And then there's the physical stuff: Séx routinely gets shelved when we're low on sleep, and periménopause can send hormones plummeting, leading to painful intercourse.

  Face it, we're complicated. "There's not going to be one panacea—one cream or spray or nasal delivery system—that cures all women of séxual dysfunction," says Laura Berman, PhD, a séx therapist, director of Chicago's Berman Center. "The pharmaceutical companies would love a panacea. That's what they're in the market for. But it's not going to happen unless they work into their drug delivery algorithm a way to assess whether a woman has emotional problems."

  Some séxual problems require outside help; some may require drugs. But if you're unhappy in the bedroom, the remedies will likely be as varied as changing your birth control and learning to have orgásms without a partner. What follows are two of the most common séx-life saboteurs—"I'm not in the mood" and "I'm not having fun"—the real reasons behind them, and expert advice on how to handle them.